Many men and women are afraid of control and manipulation. I know this to be true because I’ve had many conversations and heard many testimonies about control and manipulation.
People fear control because it threatens their freedom and independence. Manipulation breeds distrust, leaving people feeling used, betrayed, and emotionally drained. These experiences can cause people to shut down, avoid vulnerability, and question their own judgment.
But you don’t have to be afraid if you recognize the signs, set clear boundaries, and trust your intuition. Awareness exposes manipulation for what it is. Boundaries protect your peace, and intuition alerts you when something isn’t right. The more you stand firm in your values, the less power control and manipulation will have over you. You have the right to protect your peace — and you don’t owe anyone access to it.
Do you have authority over manipulation?
Let me begin by saying there are two kinds of people: the thermometers and the thermostats.
The thermometers are those who, as soon as they walk into a room and get sucked into the atmosphere, become a product of what is happening around them.
Then you have the thermostats, these are powerful people who when they walk into a room the atmosphere of the room changes because of who they are and what they carry.
You are called to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. It is essential that you know who you are and the authority that you carry. In this article, I will teach you how to be powerful and not bow down to anything that does not align with what God says about you.
What does the Bible say about Manipulation?
The Bible defines manipulation and control as “the spirit of Jezebel.” And many Christians are really afraid of being controlled or being taken advantage of by the Jezebel spirit. The truth is that when you know who you are, you understand that the enemy does not have any authority over your life, unless it is the places that you have given him access to, through your own free will.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Essentially, knowing your identity and authority will give you the tools and strength needed to disarm the manipulative or controlling person without resorting to hurting them and being unrighteous. This new approach gives you a great opportunity to show up powerful in your life and not surrender to manipulation, yet continue to keep your love on for the person. Remember, the war is never against people.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
What does Manipulation feel and look like?
Manipulation is a deceptive tactic used to control or influence someone in a way that benefits the manipulator while disregarding the other person’s well-being. It causes people to lose their own sense of self or choice. It also includes behaviors such as gaslighting, victim mentality, and blame-shifting, which are all forms of manipulation. Whenever someone engages in one of these behaviors, their emotions have one goal, to get you to do what they want.
People operating under manipulation will usually go after your areas of weakness to gain control. This does not mean you should be afraid of being your authentic and vulnerable self in relationships. Instead, you can just employ strategies such as boundaries and prayer to protect yourself.
In addition, it’s important to remember that manipulation and control is a spiritual thing. The person struggling with these unhealthy behaviors is unknowingly being motivated by darkness to hurt you, so their behaviors will most likely be a direct attack on your weaknesses and insecurities.
How to Avoid Being Manipulated
- Do not give in
Do not give in to manipulation. Manipulators often prey on emotions, guilt, or fear to get what they want. Stand firm and remember that saying “no” is not unkind; it’s necessary to love people in a healthy way. True love and respect in relationships include honoring and fostering mutual trust. Giving in to manipulation undermines not only your well-being but also the authenticity of the relationship. Prioritize relationships that value honesty, respect, and genuine care.
- Set Healthy Boundaries.
The easiest way to get manipulated is by not setting healthy boundaries with people. For example, if your heart is a house, not everyone should have the same access to your house. Some people you will keep on the porch, some will be in the living room, and your most intimate relationship gets access to your bedroom.
The same thing with your heart, your heart matters and you must learn how to build healthy boundaries to keep your heart pure and healthy.
Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23 NASB1995
- Stay Rooted in Truth
One effective way to resist manipulation is to stay grounded in truth. Reflect on your values, principles, and goals, and measure requests or interactions against them. Manipulators often twist facts or appeal to your emotions to sway you. By staying focused on what is true and important, you can identify when someone is attempting to take advantage of you.
- Check your Heart
One of the most important ways to not give into this is by becoming healthy yourself. Many times, people surrender to manipulation because they have been using manipulation in their own lives without realizing it.
The first step is to recognize the areas of your life where you have been using manipulation and renounce them. The root of manipulation most of the time comes from fear or deep traumas, to get a breakthrough you must go to the root of the issue.
Ask God, “What areas in your life have you been using manipulation?” Once he shows you, ask him what lies you believe about yourself. Renounce the lie and ask him to replace it with his truth.
In conclusion
Manipulative behavior is rooted in pain and trauma. However, the enemy uses the pain in people to cause them to hurt others. Therefore, it’s important to pray for those who are manipulative around you.
Additionally, there is no reason to fear a manipulative person. You have the authority to rebuke their behavior. Once you get a breakthrough, it will be easy for you to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate you, and it will no longer have access to you.
If you are married to someone manipulative, as you begin to get healthy, you can respond in love while still keeping your ground. Remember that you are not a savior; if you are dealing with someone with deep control issues, they must be willing to get the help they need through therapy or a third party.
